Rogue book 4 hellfire se.., p.1
Rogue: Book 4 (Hellfire series), page 1
Rogue
BOOK 4 IN THE HELLFIRE SERIES
ELLA MOORE
Copyright © 2023 by Ella Moore
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without the prior permission in writing of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
All characters and events in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
D/2023/Ella Moore, uitgever
Edited by Writing Evolution at www.writingevolution.co.uk
Cover design by JJ’s Design & Creations
Want more?
Get news and delicious free stories by signing up for my newsletter
Rave about my books in our private Facebook group
Get regular, exclusive content on Patreon including early access to the next books in the series!
Content Notes
In case you want to know what you’re getting into, here are some content notes. I kept them high-level, but some readers may consider these spoilers. If you do, SKIP THEM.
Yes, I wrote that in all caps. Yes, I hate spoilers too. But protecting my readers is more important...
What you can expect:
Cursing: occasional cursing for emphasis
Sex: several fully described consensual sex scenes between two women
Violence and trauma: one graphic torture scene and its bloody aftermath, several references to torture, enslavement, captivity, and the resulting trauma
Chapter 1
Lyx
Dera Rawal, 1619 BCE
If anyone asked Lyx if she was alright one more time, she’d scream.
It wasn’t the question really, but the way they asked it. It was the look in their eyes, the little pause while they waited for her to break.
Lyx barely managed a nod at the demon who’d saved her life, the first being she’d ever been in love with, the one whose pity she wanted least of all. Before Erisi could ask her anything else and watch her fall to pieces for real, Lyx mumbled an excuse and rushed out of the keep.
Outside, her fingers trailed along the rough sandstone walls of the largest building in Dera Rawal, the fort she’d been living in for the past few months. It was home to Erisi and the Arav demons her friend now led. It was supposed to be Lyx’s shelter while she recovered.
It felt like another cage.
Her eyes burned. She was so done with this.
Done with the way her heart rammed against her ribs whenever she took a short walk within the fort despite being protected by the thickest walls imaginable and the entire horde of demonic warriors Erisi had at her disposal.
Done with the way she kept glancing up to search the skies, sure there’d be an enemy swooping down to capture her. Knowing that she didn’t have the strength to survive another day locked away.
Done with the way her jaw kept clenching until she could barely open her mouth by the end of the day.
Three young demons raced past her, leaving dust in their wake. Lyx pressed herself against the keep’s wall and tried to breathe.
After centuries of wishing to be free, she couldn’t bear the unexpected fear that tainted every moment of her new life. She struggled with the choices she woke up to—even though she’d fought so hard for that freedom. Every noise and movement startled her, every touch made her flinch.
Even the gentle touch of Erisi’s fingertips reminded Lyx of the dagger slicing her arm when her captors had taken her blood. The Arav joyfully singing around the bonfire at night brought back the memory of eerie chants in the Semna camp when the quiet trepidation of what would happen next had choked her.
She’d never had a choice. She had never held control.
Now that she had it, it scared the hell out of her.
And she was done being so damn afraid all the time.
She wanted some of the joy these young displayed, the abundant trust that nothing bad would happen.
But nothing, nothing made the terror go away.
Erisi told her it was alright, that it would take time to heal the injuries left by centuries of captivity and abuse.
Lyx feared there wasn’t enough of her left to heal.
Heart still racing, she slipped into the youngs’ quarters. Torag looked up from his teaching session with three of the fledglings.
She kept her eyes fixed on the floor, not wanting to see the concern in his eyes.
At least he was able to keep the pity out of his voice. “You want some time alone with them?”
She nodded. When the young sitting cross-legged on the floor cheered loudly, she nearly jumped out of her skin. Deep breaths got her thumping heart sufficiently under control to gift them a small smile. Still not looking at Torag, she settled down next to them.
“I’ll see you later,” the male said. His consideration in closing the door softly behind him nearly made her cry again. Damn it.
“What are you telling us today?” Shruti, the young closest to her, asked, her light brown eyes guileless and without a trace of pity.
Surrounded by the wooden bunk beds that made the space feel smaller, with a roof over her head, and these young waiting for her story, her mind settled. In a way, it reminded her of the cage she’d spent the last four centuries in. It hadn’t been all bad. She’d loved telling stories to the other captives, loved the way their eyes had lit up.
The young especially stole her heart. It was the wonder in their eyes, the strength of their hope. All Lyx wanted was to protect the fearless happiness in them.
She smiled at the young female and her two brothers. “I thought I’d tell you about souls today.”
Learning everything she could had kept her sane. She’d started it even then, in the cages, by observing the Semna and their blood rituals and by talking to the other captives about what they knew. She’d learned about the petty rivalries and fights amongst her captors, extinct demonic families the others in her cage had once been a part of, and souls and blood magic.
The more she understood… Maybe one day she’d understand why her powers no longer obeyed her. Maybe it’d make sense.
“Not again,” Ishan, one of the males, groaned. “Torag spent all day yesterday trying to explain where hellfire comes from and how it’s powered by our souls, and if I have to hear one more thing about it, I’m going to barf.”
His sister punched his upper arm. “Lyx tells beautiful stories. Shut up, or I’ll tell Torag and you’ll be running laps.”
Ishan paled. Lyx tried not to laugh. She’d seen the way Torag kept the young in check. There was a lot of human-form running involved and young complaining until they were too out of breath.
Although demons spent most of their time in human form to preserve their demonic powers, they turned demon to train and fight. It allowed them to make full use of their demonic strength and speed and to fight with the hellfire they all yielded.
Lyx took a deep breath. The hellfire most of them yielded.
Torag having them run laps that way was at least as much a lesson on how to survive in human form as it was a punishment. Maybe she should participate.
Once she got over her irrational fear of the open sky.
She drew the roots of a tree in the inevitable layer of sand that covered every floor in Dera Rawal. “Imagine your past life as a human. It might have been short compared to ours, but it shaped your soul. Whatever you experienced fed that tiny spark of immortality everyone has in them until it glowed a beautiful white-blue light. And when your human life ended, your soul was brought here. Nurtured. Fed.” Even the defiant male was watching her fingers as she drew a sapling sprouting from the roots. “That tiny spark grew roots as Erisi fed it her powers. And when it was well nourished, it poked its head up into the world again...”
She tapped the youngs’ noses one by one. “Turning into you, ready to start your immortal lives.”
“But we don’t remember our human life,” Nikhel, the quieter male, pointed out. “What if we were bad? Does that make our roots bad?”
Lyx’s throat felt tight. “As long as those roots feed you, they’re giving you a chance to do better. It’s a clean slate without the guilt of knowing.”
“This looks like Erisi’s tree!” Ishan shouted suddenly, startling Lyx’s heart into another gallop.
“And yours,” his sister said, looking at the tattoo on Lyx’s stomach. “Why isn’t it done?”
She tried to think of a reply that wouldn’t horrify her young audience. “When they tattooed me, it made me ill.”
“Did it make Erisi ill? When she got her tattoo, I mean.”
Oh Fate. Lyx fought the urge to squeeze her eyes shut. She wanted to run and hide from the memories of Gyasi forcing the black mixture into Erisi’s skin to create his horrid masterpiece. Her friend had suffered silently, knowing the bastard demon would turn on Lyx if Erisi gave him a reason.
Lyx swallowed past the knot in her throat. “It did. But she was stronger than me, so the tree was finished before it got too much for her too.”
Warm fingers brushed her stomach. She couldn’t help rearing back from the touch, instantly regretting it when Shruti’s eyes widened.
“It’s alright,” she whispered, trying to reassure the both of them. “It surprised me, that’s all.”
Her chest ached at the regret in the female’s eyes. Taking a deep breat h to lessen the trembling of her fingers, Lyx caressed the young’s cheek. “I scare easily. It’s not your fault, I promise.”
Relief washed over her when the young smiled and her eyes brightened. “I get scared too sometimes. Like this morning. I...I got mad at Ishan, and a flame of hellfire burst from my fingers, and I almost set his hair on fire. I was scared then.” Shruti waved her palm around, showing a pale yellow flicker of hellfire. “Look!”
The knot in Lyx’s throat thickened. “That’s amazing!”
Her useless hands balled to fists in her lap while she smiled, choked by the mix of pride for these beautiful young and pain at knowing she would never feel her own fire again. She’d never feel her powers thunder through her when she turned from her human to her demonic form.
Time hadn’t healed that wound either.
“How does the tree get thick?” the quieter of the young asked, giving Lyx something to focus on.
“We grow up!” his sister replied. “We get our hellfire, and then we turn demon for the first time, and we become strong.”
“That’s one part of it,” Lyx said, her smile already feeling less tight. “Once you’ve grown up, it can also thicken when you have blood magic, like blood oaths, to strengthen the power running through your veins. And if you’re lucky enough...” She drew another tree in the sand, its roots tangling and fusing with the first tree’s. “If you’re really lucky, you meet your soulmate and you bond. Your roots become one, and your tree is part of something much, much bigger than yourself.”
Ishan tugged on her sleeve. “Can we practice now?” the more insistent of the males asked.
Lyx smiled at him. “Yes, we can.”
The young closed their eyes, focusing on their breathing like they’d been taught. It gave her a moment to watch them when they weren’t quite as...well, blurry from the energy that burst from them whenever they talked or moved.
Their dark-haired heads bowed, and hands in their laps, they touched her soul. Hope shimmered deep inside her. No matter how dark her past was, her future was bright.
At first, this had been the only place she’d felt safe—away from adult demons and their unbridled power. Knowing none of the Arav would ever harm her wasn’t enough for her mind and body to stop flinching.
Now, she sought out the youngs’ smiles and excitement. Their joy kindled the bits of hope she’d preserved.
Lyx closed her eyes too and breathed. The air filled her, expanding her lungs. It left in a long exhale, cleansing her.
Her mind settled. The darkness receded enough to let in the beauty of being alive. Of finally being free.
When she opened her eyes, even the boisterous male was watching her quietly, and she wondered what they saw.
She held her palm up. The young followed her example. “Focus on the energy flowing through your veins, then release it.”
Deep inside her, it was still there. Her powers pulled at her, swirling in her gut, sometimes flaring in her chest. She just couldn’t grab them anymore, her connection destroyed by Gyasi’s horrific experiments. She could help these fledglings though, nurturing their flames and keeping her hope alive.
Shruti beamed when the pale yellow flame of her hellfire licked her palm briefly. “Look!”
Lyx smiled at her. “Well done. Next time, try breathing through the sensation and holding it.”
By the time all three of the fledglings had shown her their hellfire, they were buzzing with so much excitement that they needed a release.
“Go find Torag for sparring,” she said.
“Will you be here tomorrow?” Ishan asked with a blush on his dear face.
“I’ll try,” Lyx said.
Laughing and talking, they left. The door banged shut, and Lyx’s heart banged painfully against her ribs.
She closed her eyes and breathed until her pulse settled and her mind calmed. When she opened her eyes, her palms were still empty.
I’ll try.
Chapter 2
Lyx
“I hoped I’d find you here,” Erisi said as she walked into the small house in the shadow of the western stronghold wall that Lyx had been given.
“Liar,” Lyx said with a smile. “You went to the bonfire in hopes of finding me there, and then you came here.”
For days, her friend had been trying to get her to the nightly gathering of the Arav. Around the fire, they discarded their obligations and ranks for laughter and conversations. And a healthy amount of Chandra’s eye-watering brew. Yesterday, Lyx had lasted all of an hour and less than a cup before the looming threat of the sky and the booming laughter and mock-fighting all around her became too much.
Erisi grinned at her. “Well, I was hoping you hadn’t fled the stronghold, so I wasn’t lying.”
It had crossed Lyx’s mind more than once. The thought of leaving everything behind, of starting over was tempting.
It was also near impossible. Where would she go?
How would she go? She could barely be outside for fear of someone attacking her from the skies and taking her to another prison.
“Come with me?” The hope in her friend’s voice nearly slayed Lyx. “We’d love to have you with us.”
She wished she could. Sitting next to Erisi, the most powerful demon alive, was the safest place she could be, but her fear wasn’t rational.
Silently, she shook her head.
Erisi fell onto the bed and smiled at her, almost able to hide the hint of sadness. “Fine. I’ll stay.”
Opening her mouth to protest, Lyx fell silent when she realized what her friend was doing. “Do not guilt-trip me, you evil demon.”
Ice-blue eyes widened, looking all innocent. “Me? I’d never.”
Lyx poked her in the ribs. “I’ve known you for almost five centuries. Don’t even try.”
Strong arms folded around her. Lyx let herself melt into Erisi’s embrace, unable to resist the comfort of the good memories. Of Erisi holding her when she couldn’t sleep, terrified Gyasi would pull one of them from their beds. When Erisi had whispered stories about the impossibly strong demons they’d become so they’d always be safe, together.
Tears burned unshed. Well, one of them had become impossibly strong.
And they were together. She tightened her hold on Erisi, overwhelmed with gratefulness. They’d lived. They both lived, and he was dead.
It was more than she could have hoped for.
It would have to be enough.
Then Erisi whispered, “When it’s too hard to love yourself, I will love you enough for the both of us, Lyx. I promise.”
Being seen, being loved like that…it broke her. Her tears flowed as she clung to the female. She wished.
She wished life had brought them together in another place and time. One where the sparks of love Lyx had felt for Erisi were allowed to grow.
But Erisi loved Torag. Their love was breathtaking, strong, and warm—everything Erisi deserved.
Lyx promised herself she would stop wishing it was her.
With the female wrapped around her, it was even harder to imagine letting go of the bittersweet love that tormented her. In Dera Rawal, Erisi was everywhere. She lived in the excited chatter of the young who told Lyx about the sparring they watched. Erisi was front and center of everything that happened in this stronghold.
If Lyx wanted to start over, if she truly wanted to heal, she couldn’t do it here.
She squeezed Erisi closer, more tears spilling into the female’s dark hair.
Erisi didn’t speak. She simply held Lyx until she was so drained she slumped against the female’s shoulder. Then Erisi laid her down on the bed and cupped her tear-stained cheek, her eyes full of the love she’d promised.
It hurt because it wasn’t the kind of love Lyx craved.
And yet, it was all she needed. The reminder that Erisi would love her always.
One day, it would be enough.
Lyx held on to that hope as she drifted with Erisi’s touch grounding her.
She woke feeling lighter, as if she’d said goodbye to that ugly, jealous part of her. The damn beast might cling a little longer, but it wasn’t welcome anymore.
